Top 10 Reasons the GOP Does Not Want Hold Confirmation Hearings For The Supreme Court

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10) They are still looking a secret treasure that Justice Antonin Scalia is rumored to have buried in his office.

9) The GOP are still combing through the Constitution for a “If I can’t have my way; you can’t either” loophole.

8) Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell still bitter after getting called “Mr. Magoo” by all of the popular Congress kids.

7) They have to wash their hair that day.

6) Their psychic advisor warned against making any decisions for the next year because Mercury is in retrograde.

5) They need to check with large corporate special interest groups to see if it’s o.k. first

4) Leaving the such an important decision to President Donald Trump makes perfect sense. (and people say the GOP are out of touch!)

3) There is a movie marathon on Lifetime television, and they just want some “me” time right now.

2) They are still in-fighting about whether or not to host “bring your daughter to work day,” but are struggling to figure out what they actually do for a living to be able to explain it.

1) Obstructionism, pure and simple.

Senate GOP: No hearings for Supreme Court nominee

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Strange Women Want To Talk About Your Genitals

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The latest rounds of commercials have various women wanting to talk about the “romantic arts” that involve male genitalia.  Nobody knows who they are.  They invite complete strangers  into their luxurious homes. then suddenly, they want to be confidants and advise us about what our partner (it’s not like she’s asking to see the results of taking these ‘little blue pills’) wants. There is also no mention of credentials that involve training or certification of a medical or psychological nature.  We don’t even get to hear a mention of any counseling in this woman’s background.  Sounds risky, even before considering that taking the advice of a random female to apply to another relationship is inherently foolish and/or dangerous. Imagine THAT conversation!

Would you discuss your genitals with a complete stranger on an elevator? In the check-out line in Wal*Mart? What if this woman step out of a non-descript van with the words “Free Candy” spraypainted on the side of it? THE ANSWER IS NO. Which, of course, leads to the question of who is the target audience is.  There are many different scenarios where this (and the competitor) can be used, even in non-romantic scenarios.  Had this woman and her counterparts had some medical training, they might have known that. Does this woman even know what happens after “lasting longer than four hours??”  Try surgical intervention.

Maybe even Kelly Hu (Actress who plays Deathstrike on the X-Men movie series) who has joined the odd bevy of genital-curious women could even a strange portent ….as she plays a character that have adamantium claws (what was that about ‘surgical intervention?). It’s not like we really know her either, nor is she any more likely to want to see what happens with pill administration here, too. Goes to show you that you can’t believe everything on television.

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Consider yourself warned!

 

Top 10 Things I Learned While Vacationing In Disney/ Universal Studios

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10) Florida traffic laws require drivers to be engaged in, at least, three (3) non-driving activities that include, but aren’t limited to: eating, drinking, operating two cell phones, smoking, dancing, trapshooting, playing Marco Polo, and filling out tax forms. Anyone actually paying attention to driving will face steep fines.

9) Tourist apparently enjoy passing gas in line at amusement parks.

8) Not all Ten dollar hamburgers are created equal.

7) The song, “It’s A Small World” is still just as annoying after the first verse.

6) Butter Beer, at the Harry Potter section, is delicious.

5) Starbucks coffee tastes just as bad in Florida, as it does it Pennsylvania. Luckily, Dunkin Donuts coffee was available.

4) Nearly half of my memories of these parks involves me waiting in a line.

3) This is a must-see destination for anyone interested in pursuing misanthropy as a hobbie.

2) The light sabres will not actually defend one against anything.

1) Disappointingly, Interactive wands from Harry Potter are not designed to clean hotel rooms, convince pay toll tellers that you’ve already paid, or make ride lines any shorter. And, once you get home, are unable to help you unpack or do laundry.

Top 10 Reasons To Look Forward To The Apocalypse

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10) Camping fans will be able to extend their skills into daily life. Every day is camping day.

9) Student loans?!? What student loans?!?

8) Robocalls can’t happen if the phones don’t work. Leading to #7…..

7) Texting while driving….along with driving won’t be possible.

6) Solitaire means having an actual card deck.

5) 24 hour news channels will revert back to the local rumor mill….with no loss in reporting accuracy.

4) Neck ties and ironing will likely fall out of favor.

3) Not only will your alarm clock not go off, you probably won’t be going to work anymore.

2) People will have to manufacture their own drama, rather than rely on Facebook anymore.

1)The Kardasshians will be trying to keep up with us.

6 Things That Will Get Your Man Card Revoked | BIASED BULL

Source: 6 Things That Will Get Your Man Card Revoked | BIASED BULL

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While I like the approach of this list, its content – in my opinion – does not reflect the full range of man card holders.

6) Cargo pants are not the real issue. Camouflage pants, which also sport many pockets, are not only functional in many circumstances; they also provide storage when one decides to go without a shirt. I can’t believe that Speedo shorts, or worse yet, crocs were not mentioned here.

5) Fantasy football participation is not on the radar for many men. Personally, I have only briefly participated in discussions about them. I also do not participate in them either. Now, if one were to have a fantasy football CHEERLEADER league; I might reconsider.

4) Going without deodorant, under some circumstances, does not automatically negate mancard ownership.  One who slaps on deodorant as a substitute for a shower, or the stereotypical old guy who lets the scent stagnate on his body; these scenarios should lead to repossession of mancard until remediation. It’s ok to manstink for fixing things around the house, dismantling objects, car repair, hunting, camping, and other such mancard activities.  No manstink should occur when going out on dates, formal events, meeting friends and family for socialization, or activities that don’t involved taking things apart/repairing them.  Manstink removal can also be done in a mancard-holding way, like drinking a beer in the shower. But for Gods sakes, don’t use Brut or Axe products….nor apply scents as if with a firehose.  Being a gentleman has to do with behavior,  not aroma application.

3) Skip leg day? Again, weightlifting is an optional activity for anyone. Mancards can, actually, get revoked in some weightlifting circumstances.  Excessive self-attention to weightlifting with gym mirrors is creepily narcissistic.  I would think that the potential unregulated use of powders and supplements, along with lifting at will, is dangerous and foolish. Mancard ownership should require knowledge of amino acids, their role in the body, how to get them in your diet, and the potential side effects of rhabdomyolysis.

2) Pick-up games? There is also a point where one knows their bodies limits, and avoids the punishment of overworking things to where several days of Icy Hot won’t solve your problems. Exercise is good. Overdoing it is bad.

1) Why did Justin Bieber even get a mention? It is assumed that this emotionally stunted boy has nothing to do with mancards. Mancard holders listen to classic rock (Pink Floyd, AC/DC, Eagles, Blue Oyster Cult, etc.), back in the 1980s, when the music was able to “pee standing up.”  Any music generated after 1987-1988 should be checked by someone who has owned a mancard for at least a decade before being signed-off, especially in a gym or public venue where others can hear you listening.

 

Why Statisticians Have A Hard Time Dating.

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Female: Hey, Mr. Statistician. Want to go out on a date?

Statistician: Let’s see. Here we have a sample, you, from the population, asking me out on a date. (pulling out a notepad to write) I’ll use a gamma, in this case, to represent your goddess appearance. The Dependent variable would be me either saying yes or no. The Independent value, in this case, would be you going out on a date. Assuming the homogeneity of the variance, along with the normality; that still leaves the variable of my personal activities. I will represent that with the Greek letter, Tau, to represent time. Specifically, time spent devising a verbal language based on ASCII code, drinking juice boxes, and watching Jeopardy. As you have initiated asking my availability for a date, I can also reject the possibility that you will be “washing your hair,” as a limiting factor your peers frequently face, regarding availability. Let’s also assume your hair will be clean enough for our date. Let’s see. Doing the math here. Hmmm. The p-value is less than 0.05, so I can rule out chance that I am not available. So, with 95% confidence, I cannot reject the premise that I would go out with you.

Female: What? Never mind. (walks away)

Statistician: Wait! Did you want to see the math?  I can show the work! You can’t leave! What variable did I not account for!?!

Author note: Just doing a little venting towards the end of a Stats course. With how convoluted the language is, I can’t how statisticians don’t struggle with the language barrier of their vocation. Seriously.