Strange Women Want To Talk About Your Genitals

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The latest rounds of commercials have various women wanting to talk about the “romantic arts” that involve male genitalia.  Nobody knows who they are.  They invite complete strangers  into their luxurious homes. then suddenly, they want to be confidants and advise us about what our partner (it’s not like she’s asking to see the results of taking these ‘little blue pills’) wants. There is also no mention of credentials that involve training or certification of a medical or psychological nature.  We don’t even get to hear a mention of any counseling in this woman’s background.  Sounds risky, even before considering that taking the advice of a random female to apply to another relationship is inherently foolish and/or dangerous. Imagine THAT conversation!

Would you discuss your genitals with a complete stranger on an elevator? In the check-out line in Wal*Mart? What if this woman step out of a non-descript van with the words “Free Candy” spraypainted on the side of it? THE ANSWER IS NO. Which, of course, leads to the question of who is the target audience is.  There are many different scenarios where this (and the competitor) can be used, even in non-romantic scenarios.  Had this woman and her counterparts had some medical training, they might have known that. Does this woman even know what happens after “lasting longer than four hours??”  Try surgical intervention.

Maybe even Kelly Hu (Actress who plays Deathstrike on the X-Men movie series) who has joined the odd bevy of genital-curious women could even a strange portent ….as she plays a character that have adamantium claws (what was that about ‘surgical intervention?). It’s not like we really know her either, nor is she any more likely to want to see what happens with pill administration here, too. Goes to show you that you can’t believe everything on television.

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Consider yourself warned!

 

Holy S##t! Am I A Curmudgeon?!?

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Looking over my last few posts makes me wonder if I am a curmudgeon. Am I that old guy who rants about “why can’t it be like the good old days?” Am I forcing other elevator patrons to see my old surgical scars?! No?!?   But he is ranting about health care, television commercials, the end of the world! Oh, don’t forget about the 1980s music references. No worries. I will back off for the serious stuff for a bit. Maybe throw in another Top 10 list, movie review (I love horror films), or I was thinking of possibly doing a writing prompt to dabble more in creative writing.

Oh, wait. I can’t be a curmudgeon. I don’t use park benches and my nose, ear, and eyebrow hair is still neatly trimmed. False alarm!  I will now return you to your regular blog programming.

The Media Figures (pun intended) Out Women Can Have Curves…..Almost

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Author Note: This is an academic discussion about womens’ issues.  Yes, I am male. Yes, I appreciate women. But I am a husband, and most importantly, father…including a pre-teen daughter.  There continues to be a major disconnect between societal norms between what the media presents us and the reality we experience in our lives.  This issue is more that just a talking point. The attempt to keep up with the unrealistic and arbitrary societal expectation generates incredible amounts of emotional damage. I am speaking up.

I have been on the planet for quite some time. I have been aware of the female form for several decades. Apparently, so have scientists, evolutionary theorists, and Playboy Magazine editors. I also know that models used to advertise consumer goods do not share the concept of the “ideal hip-to-waist ratio” and- by comparison – are anorexic. The malnourished supermodel standard war continues, but a recent battle victory has occurred.  Sports Illustrated Magazine has selected three models for their 2016 swimsuit issue, which includes Ashley Graham.  The significance being Ashley has one of the nation’s most common, yet unrecognized resources: curves. This isn’t necessarily a pivotal moment in the history, but a step towards normalizing normality.

Google on your own to see how the “ideal female figure” has changed, even by decade. Note: the 1960s and 1980s appreciated curves, but the 1970s (See: the model named ‘Twiggy’) were much like the “heroin chic ” phase that occurred in the 1990s.

 

6 Things That Will Get Your Man Card Revoked | BIASED BULL

Source: 6 Things That Will Get Your Man Card Revoked | BIASED BULL

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While I like the approach of this list, its content – in my opinion – does not reflect the full range of man card holders.

6) Cargo pants are not the real issue. Camouflage pants, which also sport many pockets, are not only functional in many circumstances; they also provide storage when one decides to go without a shirt. I can’t believe that Speedo shorts, or worse yet, crocs were not mentioned here.

5) Fantasy football participation is not on the radar for many men. Personally, I have only briefly participated in discussions about them. I also do not participate in them either. Now, if one were to have a fantasy football CHEERLEADER league; I might reconsider.

4) Going without deodorant, under some circumstances, does not automatically negate mancard ownership.  One who slaps on deodorant as a substitute for a shower, or the stereotypical old guy who lets the scent stagnate on his body; these scenarios should lead to repossession of mancard until remediation. It’s ok to manstink for fixing things around the house, dismantling objects, car repair, hunting, camping, and other such mancard activities.  No manstink should occur when going out on dates, formal events, meeting friends and family for socialization, or activities that don’t involved taking things apart/repairing them.  Manstink removal can also be done in a mancard-holding way, like drinking a beer in the shower. But for Gods sakes, don’t use Brut or Axe products….nor apply scents as if with a firehose.  Being a gentleman has to do with behavior,  not aroma application.

3) Skip leg day? Again, weightlifting is an optional activity for anyone. Mancards can, actually, get revoked in some weightlifting circumstances.  Excessive self-attention to weightlifting with gym mirrors is creepily narcissistic.  I would think that the potential unregulated use of powders and supplements, along with lifting at will, is dangerous and foolish. Mancard ownership should require knowledge of amino acids, their role in the body, how to get them in your diet, and the potential side effects of rhabdomyolysis.

2) Pick-up games? There is also a point where one knows their bodies limits, and avoids the punishment of overworking things to where several days of Icy Hot won’t solve your problems. Exercise is good. Overdoing it is bad.

1) Why did Justin Bieber even get a mention? It is assumed that this emotionally stunted boy has nothing to do with mancards. Mancard holders listen to classic rock (Pink Floyd, AC/DC, Eagles, Blue Oyster Cult, etc.), back in the 1980s, when the music was able to “pee standing up.”  Any music generated after 1987-1988 should be checked by someone who has owned a mancard for at least a decade before being signed-off, especially in a gym or public venue where others can hear you listening.

 

…and so it begins.

I have decided to blog again. It’s been years, but I feel the urge to share stray thoughts.  Far from being profound, I just want the creative outlet.  I have retired from Facebook, but still poke around on Pinterest.  I keep telling myself that I will write a best-selling novel, but perhaps this is a baby step towards that goal.

I am not sure of the content yet.  While I am a night shift nurse, I have no plans to discuss specifics with past or present workplaces and patients.  For the record, I am not offering to diagnose, assess, recommend treatment or even comment on the health care ills of those who choose to read my blog.  Please consult your Primary Care Physician, Doctor, Physician, Shaman, or any other healer for your specific health care needs.  Medical topics may appear as scholarly articles and some commentary.  I am sure that family issues, music from the 1980s, food, coffee, and other such topics may be kicked around.  Please feel free to roam the blog premises.  Comments are welcome, but those who are rude, nasty, cruel, or otherwise troublemaking – will be electronically escorted from the premises and blocked.

Sincerely,

The Drewster